Overcoming Fear of Talking To Beautiful Women

by The Asian Casanova on May 23, 2011

Overcoming Fear of Talking To Beautiful Women

Imagine the last time you saw that incredibly hot girl in the mall, bookstore, workplace, or classroom. Your natural male instinct propels you want to say something funny or witty to sweep her off your feet and into your bedroom (you manwhore!) or into a lifelong relationship (what a night in shining armor you are!). But what happens instead? You have a strong desire to want to do something, but yet, that strange gnawing, crippling, heavy feeling in your chest keeps you from doing anything! But you really want to!

All kinds of negative self-talk crops up. You tell yourself that:

  • She’s way too hot
  • She wouldn’t be into asians
  • I’m too fat/skinny/tall/short
  • I’m not good looking enough

Or… if you have an inflated ego, you’ll make excuses:

  • I don’t have time
  • I’m not into [insert type] girls
  • She should talk to me [LOL]

But soon your palms sweat, and you feel like you’re about to feint. Okay, feinting is a bit dramatic, you don’t have a vagina do you? Anyways, what I described just now is a fear of talking to beautiful women, also known as approach anxiety.

It’s time to fix this problem. We are guys after all, thats what we do, we fix things. The problem hinges on you developing a courage mindset that will permeate into all areas of your life. You can’t take a case by case approach to solving your fears. You have to face fear and overcome it any chance you get. This means inspecting other areas of your life where you are crippled by fear as well. This is deep inner-change, not some magic pill for you to just approach a cute girl. If you develop courage, you fix all your fear problems. You need to get accustomed to the idea that, “I overcome my fears,” in whatever case it may be, not just girls. It is imperative that you push your comfort zone and that you do so ANY chance you get.

So, what is courage… really?

Does that word sound familiar to you? It should, you might have read about it in paper books (how archaic!) in Barnes and Noble, or the comic books your dad used to get you. Maybe you’ve seen enough movies about it the theaters, while munching on some greasy popcorn. Maybe in real life, you think only stoic policemen, firefighters, or soldiers have it. Some people may call it fearlessness. I’m bringing up this righteous sounding word, because it pertains heavily to  one of men’s greatest fears… approaching a beautiful girl, approach anxiety.

And why is it so important? First, courage is NOT the absence of fear. It is NOT some power, or supernatural ability. It IS your ability to overcome fear. We all experience fear on the same level, but it’s about how well we’ve developed the ability to overcome fear that separates the cowards from the courageous. This is truly an important trait to develop in all of life, but of course, it serves an important purpose when it comes to approach anxiety.

I had my own fears as well, and they’re similar to what we all experience. When I was in college, or even grade school for that matter, I had fear of having attention focused on me. The fear came from insecurities, “They will see how dorky and uncool I am.” The result was the cowards way. I sat in the back, far in the corner, minimizing as much attention that would travel my way. Class participation? Zero. I was the ghost in the classroom. I’m sure you’ve experience a taste of this, but my case was a more extreme example. Forget about presenting in class, it was the worst kind of fear you could ever experience! Public speaking is nothing compared to speaking in front of a bunch of heavily judgmental school brats at such an impressionable age. At least in the realm of public speaking, we’re all adults and maintain our politeness. That’s heaven!

You have to do the opposite of what you’ve been doing to avoid fear.  In this case, what did I do? I sat in front of the class, and I participated at every chance I had. I tried to focus as much attention on me as possible, the exact opposite of what I did before. The anxiety turned into an adrenaline rush. It was scary as hell and I made a fool out of myself on many occasions. I remember in one class discussion, I made, what the class considered, an ignorant remark and was busted on by the whole class, including the professor! How’s that for fear and ridicule. But I didn’t let that shut my mouth up or keep me from participating. Eventually the class grew to like me, because i wasn’t afraid to voice my opinions.  You simply have to not care, it’s the process, not the event you’re worried about, the process being your constant and gradual development.

Forget word games or stupid “tapping” techniques! Those are ineffective methods towards numbing your fears. You don’t want to numb your fears! That’s avoidance. Remember, avoidance is BAD! You want to own fear, make it your bitch. You want a very intimate relationship with fear. You see, fear is not something you avoid, it is something you overcome. Tame it, make it your pet. Expose yourself to fear, do not run from it. You don’t like scary movies? Get your ass to the theater and watch one right now! You know the funniest realization you will come to when you overcome a fear? That, “It wasn’t so bad after all.”

Here’s an epiphany that I had:

Avoiding fear maximizes your insecurities, confronting fear, minimizes your insecurities.

When you avoid to cover up your insecurities, you allow them to foster and grow stronger like a bacteria. When you confront fear, you’re exposing your insecurities, which gives the world a chance to rip them out of you, like a band-aid, which is funny because it always hurts less than you think it would. The more you face fear and overcome it, the more your insecurities disappear. The more you face fear and overcome it, the more you develop your courage. And finally, the more courageous you become, the LESS you are affected by approach anxiety.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Aaron June 5, 2011 at 3:06 pm

“The anxiety turned into an adrenaline rush. It was scary as hell and I made a fool out of myself on many occasions…But…Eventually the class grew to like me, because i wasn’t afraid to voice my opinions…[The constant, gradual development is what matters most].”

Excellent!

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enix June 9, 2011 at 11:16 am

nice, im waiting for your next articles. keep it on. thanks.

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Jeannie August 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Knowledge wants to be free, just like these atricels!

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The Asian Casanova June 9, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Thanks, “How to Approach A Super Hot Girl,” is coming soon!

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Lyddy August 10, 2011 at 12:37 am

You codlun’t pay me to ignore these posts!

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sia_1991 June 22, 2011 at 10:24 am

hi i am siavash cantaci me i love sexy girl an i hop you can help me

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Betty August 9, 2011 at 10:57 am

And I was just wnoerding about that too!

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Maryland August 10, 2011 at 2:53 am

All of these articles have saved me a lot of headcaehs.

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Virgie Yoss October 18, 2011 at 6:51 am

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Postmasculine February 27, 2012 at 12:06 am

I really loved this article. Especially the part where you said:

“Avoiding fear maximizes your insecurities, confronting fear, minimizes your insecurities.”

Here is a related article that you might find also helpful: http://postmasculine.com/overcoming-fear

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